How to Improve Your Communication

Have you ever taken the time to think of the words you often use to describe things? It is known as the way you habitually communicate. The way we speak and the words we use are often from habit. They are the ones that come to our mind without us even thinking.148

How do you habitually communicate with your kids, your work colleagues, your partner, your friends? Often we don’t realise the power of our words have on them. Children, as well as adults, tend to take things personally, and we need to be sensitised to the possible ramifications of thoughtless remarks.

Think what could occur if instead of continually blurting out impatiently, “You’re so stupid!” or “You’re so clumsy!” – a pattern that can in some cases powerfully undermine a child’s sense of self-worth – break your own pattern by saying something like “I’m getting a little bit peeved with your behaviour; come over here and let’s talk about this.”

Not only does this break the pattern, allowing both of you to access a better state to intelligently communicate your feelings and desires, but it also sends the child the message that the challenge is not with them as a person but with their behaviour – something that can be changed. This can be the foundation for more powerful and positive communication between two people. It may mean that you have a more powerful and positive impact on your kids.

The key in any of these situations is to be able to break your pattern; otherwise, in your unresourceful state, you may say things you’ll regret later. This is exactly how many relationships are destroyed. In a state of anger, we may say things that hurt somebody’s feelings and make them want to retaliate, or in a worse case say something that hurts them that they don’t want to open up to us ever again. So we’ve got to realise the power of our words, both to create and to destroy.

We’ve got to be precise in the words we use because they carry meaning not only to ourselves about our own experience but also to others. If you don’t like the results you’re getting in your communication with others, take a closer look at the words you’re using and become more selective. I’m not suggesting that you become so sensitised that you can’t use a word. But selecting words that empower you is important.

I want to ensure that I am not being misinterpreted either. We do, at times, need negative emotions.

There are times we need to get ourselves into an angry state in order to create enough leverage to make a change. All human emotions have their place. However, we want to make certain that we do not access our most negative and intense states to start with. So please don’t misinterpret me; I’m not asking you to live a life where you don’t have any negative sensations or emotions. There are places where they can be very important. Realise that our goal is to consistently feel less pain in our lives, and more pleasure. Being aware of the words you use is one of the single most simple and powerful steps toward that goal.

It can be an interesting learning exercise. Becoming aware of the words you use, the impact they have on you and the impact they have on those around you. It is all about awareness. Become aware of what you are saying, the words that you use and the effects or impact of those words.

“Be an inspiration to yourself and

you will be an inspiration to others.”

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